Getting Past your Breakup – Continued
The following is a continuation of “Getting past your breakup” to aid with healing and getting back out there, without repeating old patterns. When we get hurt there is a natural tendency to shutdown and close off. In doing this we actually create more pain within ourselves, for when we shutdown to another we also shutdown to a part of our self. In order to reconnect and heal we must be willing to open up again.
Healing the past
If you try to move on without healing, you end up carrying with you emotional baggage from your previous relationship. This makes it extremely difficult to build a lasting relationship with another. We must be willing to fully release the old if we want to make room for something new.
Therefore, it’s important to take the necessary time to reflect and heal. This is best achieved by releasing the thoughts through silence or by doing something that helps you quiet (not distract) your mind. Write down the thoughts that are more difficult to release and question them while incorporating deep breathing. Our emotional releases are often associated to our breathing.
You know when someone is healed by observing their actions and behavior. For when we are healed, we no longer redirect our anger towards another blaming them for our problems. Instead we shift to accepting full responsibility for our actions. Monitor your thoughts and feelings and see where you stand as it will reveal to you where you are in your healing process. Observe this in others and it will serve you well in selecting your next partner.
In a previous article (What is love), I elaborate on love and the conditions that many people place around it. Placing conditions on love is really about control and manipulation and greatly impacts long term potential of any relationship. Not only does it suppress your partner and their creativity, but it breads conflict often resulting in a dead relationship. Release all those conditions and start flowing with life. Allow your partner to be who they are, and embrace your own authenticity as well. Loving unconditionally is a necessity if you wish to experience the vast freedom it has to offer.
Becoming what you want
As you start thinking about dating again, think about all that you would like out of a relationship, as well as your ideal partner. Make a detailed list of everything that you want, down to the very details. You’ll be amazed with how well this works as you get a clear picture on what you want. This process also teaches you more about yourself.
Once you have your list, turn it around to yourself and see if you meet everything on that list. Often we don’t think of how we need to change in order to be in alignment with our ideal partner. You’ve heard the saying, “we attract what we are” and in many ways we have to become what we want to attract. Embrace the changes and you will find yourself meeting a more ideal partner that is in far greater alignment with your true self.
Until next time,