Relationships – Fading Romance
Have you ever been in a relationship that started off great and then turned into something that you dreaded? When two people come together there is a plethora of gratitude. This is often expressed in how we think about our partner, how we talk to our partner, and how we talk about our partner to others.
Then as the relationship continues to grow, often one party or the other starts to complain about all the things their partner does that annoys them. This leads to trying to change or control their partner which has many other implications, ultimately impacting the relationship. Its interesting to me that we don’t even see the cause and then wonder why the relationship spark fades away.
The power of gratitude
Gratitude is huge. In many effective therapies, its one of the top methods used for retraining the mind to treat depression. There is a very simple aspect to our thoughts and that is “you get more of what you focus on”. By focusing on problems, we get more problems. In doing this we create an emotional box of frustration which causes us to feel trapped inside the problem. When this happens we are unable to see anything outside the box.
With relationships, this blocks our ability to see what we initially appreciated and loved about our partner. In fact, we don’t even ‘see’ our partner anymore, we only see the stories in our mind from this limited perception. By making a gratitude list and reviewing it morning and night with feeling we experience a vast shift in how ‘see’ our partner, but more importantly how we ‘see’ our self.
The power of reflection
If we want to avoid repeating the same patterns we must be willing to reflect on everything another person does that triggers us. This leads us to a deeper understanding of the self which expands awareness on our own personal issues so we can stop projecting and start healing. We start this process by questioning our thoughts and turning them around. Every time we think “you…” about another start asking yourself where do “I” have this within me. Through self inquiry we are able to step out of the frustration leading us to our own personal transformations.
I spent nearly 6 years in what I thought of as a conscious relationship as both parties continued to reflect, question and see where we were projecting. However one crucial component that we both missed was how our focus shifted from gratitude into problems. Towards the end of the relationship I had started practicing gratitude and reflection morning and night, and it was only then that I realized how far off the relationship had become as we parted in separate directions.
Happiness, an internal job
Happiness must start from within our self. If we are not happy first with ourselves, we will project our pain and frustration onto everyone around us. If we look to another to make us happy we will only find more pain and frustration through a cycle of up and down emotions. We must be willing to accept responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings. By building your own internal happiness you create an internal joy and peace that becomes unshakable to external circumstances.
If you want to wake up with more joy every day, start a gratitude list and review it morning and night with feeling for 30 days. Eventually it becomes a part of your natural thought process which drops into the unconscious. Combine this with a daily meditation practice and you’ll be surprised how much appreciation you develop for life itself and how this shifts your overall perception on life.
I hope this spreads some awareness in your relationships. If your having relationship challenges and both parties are willing to work on the relationship, try doing 30 days of gratitude you’ll be amazed with the results.
Until next time,